Hey, it's me, Eliza Thornberry.
Have you guys missed me? Yeah, whatever cool, I didn't miss you either. Anyways, I'm getting back into my blogging (if that's not obvious by my first post in literally a year) and was using a can opener and this little blog thought popped into my head. Seriously. I was opening a can of refried beans and decided to blog. So anyways, I'm about to start my 5th and final year of college (super senior, FTW) and I've decided to compile a little list for you of things that I've learned throughout my years. For those entering college or in the middle of their college career: take note. Do as I say. Your life will be infinitely* better. For those who already graduated: go back to college, get another degree, then do as I say. Enjoy!
*Not guaranteed. Your life will probably not change, but maybe you can at least get a good chuckle.
Have you guys missed me? Yeah, whatever cool, I didn't miss you either. Anyways, I'm getting back into my blogging (if that's not obvious by my first post in literally a year) and was using a can opener and this little blog thought popped into my head. Seriously. I was opening a can of refried beans and decided to blog. So anyways, I'm about to start my 5th and final year of college (super senior, FTW) and I've decided to compile a little list for you of things that I've learned throughout my years. For those entering college or in the middle of their college career: take note. Do as I say. Your life will be infinitely* better. For those who already graduated: go back to college, get another degree, then do as I say. Enjoy!
*Not guaranteed. Your life will probably not change, but maybe you can at least get a good chuckle.
Walk past the $3.99 can opener & spend the $20 on a quality can opener
As I mentioned above, me using a can opener is what inspired this whole ordeal. I had just recently spent the $20 on a good, quality can opener ($22.99, to be exact), was using it, and thought to myself, "Wow, I do not regret this purchase one bit, opening this can is so easy and hassle-free". If you've ever used a $3.99 can opener, your experience opening a can is the exact opposite. I don't know how many crappy can openers I've gone through in my past 4 years, but I know it's at least 7 - 7 CAN OPENERS. I DON'T EVEN EAT THAT MUCH CANNED FOOD. So do yourself a favor and just buy a good one on the front end. If you were to take any advice ever given, take this. Seriously. I can't stress this enough.
Go outside
I've been hashtag blessed to be able to go to school in the beautiful peninsula that is the Keweenaw. Unfortunately, it wasn't until my junior year that I realized that hey, nature is cool, I should play outside more often. But I've found that there's nothing cooler than just going outside and soaking in all that nature-y goodness that the world has to offer. So do it. It's relaxing, you'll get some exercise and fresh air, and you might even get a cool Instagram photo out of it and lots of likes. Because that's what's really important here.
Join all of the clubs, then quit all of them
I have no idea how other schools work, but here at Michigan Tech, we have what's called K-Day. This lovely event is a chance for sororities, fraternities, club sports, and other weird clubs to prey on the innocent freshman and get them to join their student organizations. I, being dumb and in the whole, "oh my god, I'm going to be SO involved in college!" phase, was one of their victims. I think by the end of K-Day my freshman year, I had joined 12 clubs. Do you know what happened one month later? I had quit 11 of those clubs (I had quit all of them by the end of the year, if you care). I'm not a quitter though- hear me out. I went to all the meetings, I gave all of the clubs a chance, was that weird person that friended everyone on Facebook - I just genuinely didn't like the clubs or the people. So why waste my time? Sure, they all would've looked great on my resume (probably not), but if you don't like people, don't be around them. Was this good advice? I don't even know, I think I got off track. Whatever, on to the next.
Drink the board
Or whatever weird "College Bucket List" traditions your school has. Maybe drinking 11 beers at the KBC in a 6 hour period isn't on your personal bucket list, but it was on mine and I finished that shiz. And let me tell you, I feel so accomplished. Nicole, if you're reading this, you still owe me $100.
Be the weird person on Halloween
And the other 364 days of the year. This is kind of mushy advice (not really my style, if you can't tell), but if you're busy dressing up everyday, doing your full face of makeup, trying to impress everyone on campus- you're going to have a bad time. I'll admit it, I worried about this my freshman and sophomore year. It wasn't until my junior year that, I wouldn't say my "true self" came out, but I was just a lot more open about being weird and that's when I started making all of my cutie friends and meeting different kinds of people who I love so dearly. Sorry, this one got real sappy real fast. My b, y'all. But seriously, be weird.
Easy with the naps
One time I laid down to take a 20 minute nap and it turned into a 4 hour nap. And by one time, I mean that used to happen 2-3 times a week. Treat naps like showers- only have them every once in awhile. Nope, bad analogy. Treat naps like something that shouldn't happen a lot. I can't think of what that would be, but you know what I mean.
Getting blackout drunk & puking on your 21st birthday is not a requirement
However, it is like a right of passage or whatever you want to call it. But seriously isn't required. If you do decide to celebrate how most new alcoholics do by attempting 21 shots or drinking literally everything given to you, at least try to be wise about when you do the deed. I'm speaking from personal experience here. Going out on a Tuesday at midnight when you have to work at 8am the next day is not a good time to celebrate. You waited 21 years to legally go to a bar, you can wait until Saturday night.
Keep your social media fun
No one wants to read your sob story about how you're overwhelmed and stressed about school or how your ex is the worst human on the planet because they won't respond to your texts or even how good that taco you had at lunch was. Actually, scratch that. I've tweeted about tacos. I still tweet about tacos. You should tweet about tacos. Anyways, be funny. People like funny.
Memes are funny
Don't you ever let anyone tell you they're not.
Look at photos from freshman year with caution
I made the mistake of looking at photos from my freshman year about a week ago- Worst. Idea. Ever. If you were my Facebook friend freshman year, you'll remember (hopefully not though) that I was what I like to call a "Frat Party Hoe". This means I went to frat parties literally any chance I got because I wanted 1) to meet boys, 2) meet more boys, 3) drink cheap alcohol, and 4) maybe make some nice new girl friends. I honestly don't know how I didn't gain any weight my freshman year. I literally drank any chance I got. Anyways, besides the point. Honestly, I don't even know what I'm trying to say here, I forgot. Oh wait, okay, so when you look back on photos from your freshman year, 98.6% chance you'll cringe and want to burn yourself alive. Don't. Just remember that you've hopefully learned whatever lesson needed to be learned and move on. Or be ashamed about it and tweet an embarrassing photo with the caption, "Looking at photos from freshman year physically pains me", then move on. However you choose to cope.
Go to class, take good notes, don't cram the night before the exam, etc., etc., etc.
And all of that other boring academic BS that everyone talks about when they write their own, "What I Learned In College" posts.
No one will hate you for missing the party
Sometimes (95% of the time) you'll want to stay in and rewatch every single episode of Bob's Burgers or Family Guy ever created instead of going out to drink and socialize. Sure you'll miss out on quarter beers or pitchers or free popcorn at the Dog, but sometimes your liver needs a break. Or at least that's what you tell yourself. Most of the time I just didn't want to put on pants.
Speaking of quarter beers- AVOID AT ALL COSTS
Seriously. It may seem like a good idea for your bank account- 12 beers for $3? What a steal! No. There's a reason it's cheap. Because it's s***. I went to quarter beers once and I will never do it ever again. I will never get back those hours (yes, hours) that I spent on the toilet. TMI, I know, but this is serious. This advice and the can opener advice are probably the most crucial advice in this whole post.
Evaluate your relationships
Okay, this is another mushy/serious one and I'm sorry, but this one is for real. Every once in awhile, evaluate your relationships. Are you and your significant other constantly fighting over little things? Is your roommate talking mad s*** about you to everyone in your hall and the surrounding floors? Does that one really hot football player only text you on Friday nights at 2am? Take a step back and look at how your relationships are affecting your mood and your life. Don't be afraid to communicate your issues. If things aren't working out or you aren't happy, end it. You'll save everyone time.
Ramen is good. Ramen with hot sauce is better
Don't knock it until you try it. And also don't judge me for eating Ramen. Just watch out for that sodium content. Or don't. It's your life. But really, watch out for it.
Your Snapchat stories really aren't that interesting
Mine are. Yours aren't. But really, no one cares about every single drink you had one night or every time you go to the gym. My rule of thumb is if it makes me laugh, I'll put it on my story. Which isn't really a good rule of thumb to go by, because everything I do makes me laugh because I'm funny. I mean, you do you, but just know people are annoyed by you. Unless you zoom in on someone's face. That's always story-worthy.
Dry shampoo is essential
Buy it. Use it. Maybe wear a hat.
Stop reading Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, Odyssey, & all that other BS
And if you can't stop, then at least don't share the "articles" on Facebook with titles like, "Ain't that the truth" or "Preach". Seriously. People judge you and more importantly, I judge you.
HAVE FUN
I felt like this was necessary to add because, you know, life lessons and stuff.
Okay, friends. So if you've made it this far, I applaud you because I was reading this over and skipped half of them because they were boring. Once I finish my last semester, this might change, it might not, I'm not really sure. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THESE LIFE TIPS/HACKS/LESSONS. Because I'm 22 so I am very experienced and know everything.